A Letter To My Newborn Son

(written 11-20-06)
To my dearest Mason,

Since we are still getting to know each other, there's just a few things that, as your mother, I'd like to say to you.
1) I'm doomed to one-handed chicken pecking on this stupid keyboard for at least another few months, until you realize that mommy's arms aren't your permenant home...... so I hope you don't mind any typos that result
2) Ok, you win...I now know that sleep is a dirty four-lettered word... You have convinced me it's unneeded, an induldgence really... oh, but don't let me find out your daddy is sleeping..my envy of his "unneeded" peaceful, most likely very deep, slumber could result in you being a fatherless child....
3) My boobs are not just for sucking nutrition out of...apparently they are for mere comfort as well... if you are crying, it seems all I need to do is whip one out...you are more then welcome to feign interest for a mere 30 seconds, and then promptly fall asleep without even latching on....but please understand that not everyone else in the house wants me to walk around topless...except maybe your daddy ...so, please allow me to be fully clothed for at least an hour in the am & an hour at night, ok?
4) The swing is your friend, I promise... you really should give it a chance..Although I suppose the "helping" that Elijah does gives it more of a roller coaster effect, huh?
5) It really is ok if I have a shirt, clear of baby puke, on for more then 20 minutes..and a new sleeper on you really isn't an invitation to out-do your personal puking volume record ....the same could be said for diapers & poop....
6) Dinner is this thing that mommy needs to make..if you don't stop crying long enough for me to make it, I can't eat it. If I don't eat it, the before mentioned boobs will be of no value to you...not to mention daddy gets grouchy...So help me out a bit, and put dinner on your "no crying allowed" schedule... kapeesh??? Ditto for breakfast & lunch..
7) Please ignore all things your older brother Elijah does (dancing on the coffee table, beating the TV with every toy he can find, constantly trying to ingest money, etc...) Clearly he's simply trying to show off in the hopes of gaining your allegiance early on so you can unite against me in the near furture...I'm already prepared for double the frogs, double the dirt......... and double the hugs
8) Since we're discussing Elijah, please forgive him... his version of "gentle" & "nice" are probably not what you have in mind..(kinda more like a bull in a china shop, I know...) Do rest assured I'm doing everything in my power to protect you from his love
9) Crying everytime your daddy holds you does no good for anyone... It stresses him out, you get all huffy & puffy, and....well, don't you think it's in your best interest to let me at least shower before you start wailing??
10) Not that it's in your control, but don't you agree that someone should address the problem that is late night/early morning tv??? I mean how many infomercials do we need to suffer through for hair growth cream, ladders that can do anything & everything,(including change the lightbulb without human intervention ), and colon cleansing programs with a money-back guarentee...ummm, ...or we could watch some movie that has been bad since the day it was released directly to videotape in the early 80's, or we could watch....well, you get my point. (Or we could just SLEEP!!!! since it's like 2:46 am.... )
11) I know all of this sounds a bit frustrated, maybe bitter or even a tad angry....but really, I'm enjoying every minute of your emerging personality, even if it's sapping me of all energy & sanity at the moment. I wouldn't trade any of these moments in the last week & a half for anything...not even for a solid nights sleep ( I might think about it really hard, but I'd pick you, I swear...) Sure I could deal without the triple diaper changes @ 4 am, and I'll be happy when the nipples stop leakin'... but I love you more then anything. So take your time...as much as i may be longing for you to stop being a newborn, I'm in no hurry for you to grow up...

Love,
Your Sleep-deprived, Feel-like-a-cow, Baby-puked-on-shirt-wearin', Emotional-'n-stupid-sappy Mommy